Company For Supper

Two witches decide to make supper

1 - What shall we make for supper?

2 - I don't know. What would you like?

1 - I'm not sure. Why don't we add a few things and see how it tastes?

2 - Good idea - I'll get something for the pot (Brings in a person)

1 - (stirring pot and tasting) No it needs something else. I'll go get something else  (brings in another person)

2 - Tastes mixture. It still needs something added (continue till pot is full)

1 - Takes final taste and says"This is just what I wanted"

2 - What's that?

1 - Company for dinner.

Dishwasher

CAST : husband, wife, dishwasher, repairman.

Wife  - Please fix the dishwasher. We've run out of dishes

Hubby  - Oh all right! Hand me the pipe wrench ( adlib more dialogues) OOPS!

Wife  - Now you've done it. I'd better call the repair man to put it back together   (Wife phones - more dialogue)

Repairman -  Well, that should do it My bill comes to $249.95. thank you (leaves)

Wife  - Now let's try it out and do up these dishes.

Hubby  - Look at that! It's leaking all over the floor! Pass me the box of Kleenex.

Wife  - Dummy, you'll never mop that up with a few Kleenex.

Hubby  - Who's going to mop it up? I'm going to cry!

Don't Brush That On Me!

Psychiatrist's office. Patient is on bench. Doctor is sitting on a chair

Doctor: Let's see last week we were talking about your past.

Patient: Yes, I think we were.

Doctor: How much sleep do you get at night?

Patient: Oh, I can't complain. From six to nine hours

Doctor: Well that seems pretty normal. I am beginning to wonder what we are going to  find wrong with you. You seem just as sane as I am.

Patient: (horrified)But Doctor, it's this creepy crawly bug. I just can’t stand them! ( Leaps  from couch and brushes self wildly) They're all over me, they're all over me.

Doctor: (steps back) Well for goodness sake don't brush them onto me.

If God Should Speak

Speaker # 2 should be some what removed from the group being spoken to, ideally, the speaker should be out of sight, preferably behind the group.

Our Father which art in heaven....

Yes?

Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.

But you called me.

Called you? I didn't call you. I'm praying. "Our Father which art in heaven..."

There. You did it again.

Did what?

Called me. You said, "Our Father which art in heaven."Here I am, what's on your mind?

But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like getting a duty done.

All right, go on.

Hallowed be thy name...

Hold it. What did you mean by that?

It means...good grief. I don't know what it means. How should I know? It's just part of the prayer. Well what does it mean?

It means, honoured, holy, wonderful.

Hey, that makes sense. I never thought what "Hallowed" meant before. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Do you really mean that?

Sure. Why not?

What are you doing about it?

Doing? Nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control of everything down here like you have up there.

Have I got control of you?

Well, I go to church!

That isn't what I asked you. What about that habit of gossiping you have? And your bad temper? You've really got a problem there. Then there's the way you spend money...all on your self. And what about the kind of books you read?

Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the other phonies at church.

Excuse me. I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you, for example.

Oh. All right. I guess I do have some hangups, now that you mention it. I could probably name some others.

So could I

.I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of these things. I would like to,you know, be really free.

Good. Now we are getting somewhere. We'll work together, you and I. Some victories can really be won. I'm proud of you.

Look, Lord, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer that it usually does.

Give us this day our daily bread.

You need to cut out the bread. You eat too much as it is. ( or: - You're over weight as it is)

Hey! Just a minute!

What is this pick on me day? Here I was doing my religious duty and all of a sudden you break in remind me of all my hangups.

Praying is a dangerous thing. You could wind up changed, you know. That's what I'm trying to get across to you. You called me, and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying, I'm interested in the next part of your prayer....(pause)...Well go on.

I'm scared to.

Scared of what?

I know what you'll say.

Try me and see.

Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

What about Linda?

See! I knew you would bring her up. Why, Lord, she told lies about me, cheated me out of some money. She never paid back that debt she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her.

But what about your prayer?

I didn't mean it.

Well, at least you are honest, but it's not much fun carrying a load of bitterness around inside you is it?

No, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even. Boy, have I ever got plans for Linda. She'll wish she never gave me any trouble.

You won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. Think of how unhappy you already are. But I can change that.

You can? How?

Forgive Linda as I have forgiven you. Then the hate and sin will be Linda's problem not yours. You may lose the money, but you will have settled your heart.

Lord but I can't forgive Linda.

Then I can't forgive you.

Oh, you're right. You always are, and more than I want revenge on Linda, I want to be right with you. (Pause then sigh) All right, all right, I forgive her. Help her to find the right road in life. She's bound to be awfully miserable now that I think of it. Anybody who goes around doing the things she does to others has to be out of it. Someway, somehow, show her the right way, and Lord help me to forget it too.

They’re now! How do you feel?

Hmm, well, not bad at all. In fact, I feel pretty great! You know I don't think I'll have to go to bed up tight tonight for the first time since I can remember. Maybe I won't be so tired from now on because I'm getting enough rest.

You're not through with your prayer. Go on.

Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted.

What do you mean by that?

Quit hanging around with that group that are always getting into trouble. Change some of your friendships. Some of your so called friends are beginning to get to you. They'll have you completely involved in wrong things before long. Don't be fooled. They say they're having fun but for you it would be ruin. Don't use me as an escape hatch.

I don't understand.

Sure you do. You've done it lots of times. You get into bad situations, you get into trouble, and then you come running to me. "Lord help me out of this mess, and I'll promise never to do it again." You remember some of the bargains you tried to make with me?

Yes, and I'm ashamed, Lord, really I am.

Which bargain are you remembering?

Well, the time I almost got caught for speeding. I remember saying to you, "Oh Lords don't let me get a ticket. If I don’t, I'll be in church every Sunday and do anything you want me to.

You didn't get a ticket did you? But you didn't keep your promise either did you?

I'm sorry Lord. I really am. Up until now I thought that if I just prayed the Lord's prayer every day, then I could do what I really liked. I didn't expect anything to happen like this....that you really listened.

Go ahead and finish your prayer.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Do you know what would bring me glory? What would really make me happy?

No. But I'd like to know. I want to please you. I can see how neat it would be to be one of your followers.

© 1977, Clyde Lee Herring, 2938 East 84^th St., Tulsa, OK 74137.

Peanut Butter

Scene: Noon on a work project. Several workmen with lunch kits, One who is a "star" Announces each act in words or by a sign.

Act 1

STAR (Takes out lunch, looks through lunch box carefully, picks out a sandwich, unwraps it and examines it and scowls) Peanut butter!

(Throws sandwich away while others watch.

Act 2

STAR (Smiles in anticipation, takes out lunch box, looks through it carefully, picks out sandwich, unwraps it. Lifts bread to examine filling, scowls and yells) Peanut Butter! (hurls sandwich away while others look on, shake their heads)

Act 3

(Star repeats the actions in act 2 another workman speaks)

Excuse me for butting in buddy, but I've noticed that every day you look at your sandwich and throw it away. Why don't you tell your wife you don't like Peanut Butter?

STAR You leave my wife out of this, I make my own sandwiches!

Railroad Station

Couple approaches railroad station, They look up and down the tracks, then at each other.

She:    Go ask

He shrugs and looks puzzled.

She:    Go ahead and ask the station master.

He goes to the ticker window.

He:  Are there any trains from the west?

Station master:  No, no trains from the west.

He returns to spouse.

He:   There are no trains from the west.

They look at each other for a minute.

She:   Go ask the station master.

He goes back to the ticket window

He:   Are there any trains from the East?

Station master:  No, there are no trains from the East.

He returns to spouse.

He:   There are no trains from the east.

They look around and at each other.

She:   Go back and ask!

He returns to the ticket window.

He:   Are there any trains from the North?

Station Master:  No, no trains from the north.

He returns to his wife.

He:   There are no trains from the north.

They look up and down the tracks and at each other.

She:   Go back and check again.

He returns to the ticket window.

He:   Are there any trains from the south?

Station Master:  No, no trains from the south.

He goes back to his spouse.

He:   There are no trains from the south.

She:   Well if there are no trains from the north, south, east or west then it  must be safe to cross the tacks today!

Service Team

Gerry enters rubbing eyes like crying

Becky enters and asks "Why are you crying?"

Gerry whispers to Becky

continue like this till one person left

Last person enters and asks "Why are you all crying?"

All together answer "Because we have no skit"

The Wall

1st person : walks in to where person 2 is standing.

2nd person : What are you listening to?

!st person : Shh! Just listen.

(Continue this way till all people are involved)

Last person : Hey! What"s everyone listening to?

(Places ear against the wall) I don't hear nothing.

1st person : I know it's been like that all day!

What's That?

A Scout is playing with some (pretend) stuff. (Stretching it horizontal in front of himself)

2nd Scout enters. "What's that?"

1st Scout says "Dunno - here have a piece" tears off a piece and gives it to #2)

2nd Scout plays with his piece ( stretching it vertical)

3rd Scout enters gets a piece off #2 .......

Each Scout does something different with their 'Stuff'

After a while a scout drops and looses piece and goes back to #1 and asks if he has any more. 1st says, "Sure" he makes a big play of fingering into his nose and pulling out a big slimy one for the guy. At this point all realising what they have playing with now feel ill and exit groaning, retching, clutching stomach etc.

Wiped Out

Characters: King, Scribe, 4 Generals.

King is sitting at his throne, asks the scribe how his country is doing at war.

Scribe replies, "Here comes one of your Generals now, we'll ask him."

Scribe asks the first general how he's doing in battle. The General replies that he's wiped out in the front. Then general falls and dies.

Second General comes in, and reports that they are wiped out on the right flank, then he falls over and dies.

The third General comes in and reports that they are wiped out in the left flank, then he too falls over and dies.

The fourth General comes running in, yelling.'We're wiped out in the rear, "and throws a roll of toilet paper over the crowd.

To The Sun

Personnel: 3 to 5 Cubs  

Setting: Astronauts are bragging to each other.

1st: I’m going to Mars.

2nd: I’m going to Neptune.

3rd: I’m going to the Sun.

(Boys scoff at this last statement.)

1st: But it’s too hot.

2nd: Your rocket will melt.

3rd: What do you think I am? Stupid? I’m going at night!

Boy Genius

Characters: 3 or 4 Cubs. The scene opens with 1st boy sitting on chair or bed with toys and clothes scattered all over. He is deep in thought. Several friends are coming by.

All: greet one another.

2nd Cub: Hi ________ (put name here). What are you doing?

1st Cub: Just thinking.

2nd Cub: Thinking about what?

1st Cub: My invention.

3rd Cub: Are you inventing something?

1st Cub: Sure, I want to be famous like Alexander Graham Bell or Thomas Edison.

4th Cub: What do you have in mind? Maybe we can help.

All: Sure.

1st Cub: Okay, (getting up). First of all I need a big box. There’s one in my closet. I need 2 toy airplanes. Then I’ll need some kite string. Last I need some rags. You can use my clothes for that. Okay, now put everything in the box. That takes care of it.

4th Cub: Takes care of what?

1st Cub: My invention. I just invented a way to get my room cleaned before my mom gets home.

The Ants

Actors: 6-8 people

Props: paper sacks

Setting: Boys are standing together in a backyard. Cardboard cutout trees and bushes could be used/

1st boy: Gee, there’s nothing to do.

2nd boy: Yeah, I know.

3rd boy: Hey, let’s have a backyard picnic.

All: Yeah!

4th boy: But it’s going to rain.

1st boy: I don’t think so. If it does, we can eat in the house.

2nd boy: I’ll bring the crisps.

3rd boy: I’ll bring the hot dogs.

4th boy: I’ll bring the hot dog buns.

5th boy: I’ll bring the drinks.

6th boy: And I’ll bring something special.

(All walk off stage, and come back carrying sacks.)

2nd boy: Here are the crisps..

3rd boy: Here are the hot dogs.

4th boy: Here are the hot dog buns.

5th boy: Here are the drinks.

6th boy: (drops his sack) Oh, no!

5th boy: What’s wrong?

6th boy: I brought the ants.

Mosquito

Actors: 6-8 people

Props: paper sacks

Setting:Two scouts are walking along, obviously quite tired. They decide to set up their 'tent' which can be a blanket, or whatever, or even just mime it. Unfortunately it is only big enough for one.

The bigger of the two decides he's big and strong enough to take it sleeping outside, and lets the other have the tent. They settle down to sleep. After a few seconds someone stands up at on side of the circle, crying- "Mosqitos from the North!" South East and West follow suit, then charge in and proceed to beat the poor scout on the floor. (Be careful! But this is a good place to ham it up a bit) then run off. The poor beaten scout wakes his friend.

"I've just been attacked!"

The other scout looks around sees nothing and tells his friend not to be daft- there's nothing there. They settle down once more.

"Moquitos from the North!"

"Moquitos from the South!

"Moquitos from the East!"

"Moquitos from the West!" and again the poor scout recieves a beating.

He wakes his friend up who grumbles that they'll never get to sleep and swaps places with him. They settle down.

"Moquitos from the North!"

"Moquitos from the South!

"Moquitos from the East!"

"Moquitos from the West!" The mosquitos charge down and are about to get the scout on the floor when the lead one shouts- "Stop! We haven't got the guy in the tent yet!"

Submitted by Daniel Fiander 273rd Handsworth, Sheffield