The scene is an emergency room at a hospital. The nurse is totally self absorbed, combing hair, looking in mirror etc. Whether you have a male nurse or a boy dressed up like a girl is up to you. A guy runs in, a skier with a pole stuck in his stomach ( a branch could be used also for a hiker). He is screaming in agony. the nurse insists that she must ask him some questions before anything can be done. The patient screams that he is losing blood. The nurse continues asking questions such as where he lives, past illnesses, type of house, how he got there etc. A phone rings and a Dr. Killjoy asks the nurse out to lunch. The nurse runs off leaving the wounded man writhing on the floor. A stupid looking janitor with a broom wanders by and pulls the pole out. The patient stands up, says thanks and leaves.
Players are pretending that they are riding a bus. There is a bus driver and several passengers. Every time the bus stops, the passengers holds their nose, coughs, etc. looking at a
specific passenger as they get off the bus. The bus driver complains to the offensive passenger that he is driving everyone off his bus. The passenger says that it isn't his fault. The driver accuses him of a
peculiar smell and asks if he has taken a bath, washed his shirt, socks, feet, etc. The passenger claims that he has. Irritated the passenger pulls a pair of dirty, smelly, socks out of his back pocket, as proof.
A guru with a turban on his head comes out and sits down in the middle of the stage. Members of the audience are solicited to take part in the session. They are told to repeat the magic phrase after the guru. When ever this phrase brings enlightenment, they may return to the their seat in the audience. All sit cross-legged on the guru repeating the guru's actions and words. The guru moves his arms and chants "Oh ... Wa ... Ta ... Goo ... Siam ..." All chant with him. Keep it up for a long while. Eventually everyone catches onto the fact that they are really saying, "Oh, what a goose I am."
Run through a short movie scene. Use jerky motions, flashlight flicker, etc. Just as the scene is about to end, the narrator says, "Oh no! Something's wrong; it's going backwards!" Then run through the whole scene backwards. Keep the scene short to only a minute or two.
Have a huge wag of chewing gum (or homemade modeling clay), green and black, lying on a plate in the middle of a table on the stage. First boy walks in, looks at the table and comments on how gross the bug is. Other boys come in one at a time commenting on how terrible the bug looks, that someone needs to step on it, not sure if it's dead etc. The last boy comes in asking if anyone has seen his gum, sees the gum on the plate and tells the other boys never mind picks up the gum and pretends to put it in his mouth and walks away. Then the other boys comment on how disgusting and sickening that was.
In the middle of the singing a person wearing two coats, holding a paint bucket, paint brush, and a step ladder pushes through the crowd. He excuses himself saying he is a painter and needs to do the next room. The leader asks him why he is dressed for winter. The painter replies that he was told to paint the room with two coats.
A sales manager is trying to teach a dumb salesman how to sell. The manager tells the trainee to listen to him carefully and he will teach him how to sell. He gives him the following instructions:
1) Hold pencils in your hand and say, "Pencils for sale." Practice saying that.
2) Next people will ask how much they are so say, "Twenty Pence. Three for Fifty Pence."
3) Then they will ask what color so you tell them yellow.
4) Now they will either buy them or they won't. If they don't buy say, "If you don't, someone else will."
The manager has him repeat the instructions back and leaves him on his own. What happens is that the trainee is left on his own and starts calling out pencils for sale when another person rushing by and the trainee doesn't notice him and they collide falling to the ground. They have the following dialogue:
1) The customer asks if he knows how much the suit cost and the trainee tells him twenty pence, three for fifty pence.
2) The customer getting mad asks the trainee who do you think I am, to which the trainee replies, "Yellow."
3) The customer really mad says, "Do you want someone to punch you in the nose." To which the trainee replies, "If you don't, someone else will."
At this point the customer beats up the trainee salesman and they leave the stage.
"Freddy Fingers and Hands Harry" meet and embrace each other. They Tell where they've been in the last few years, and as they say good-bye, one says to the other, "on you may want this." He gives back his watch. This exchange of articles continues until one hands back the other person's pair of underwear. Variation: This can also be done as a contest with one of the finalists ending up with the underwear. The other finalist looks into his pants yelps and runs off.
One by one the boys drag on stage crying for water. Each reaches a bucket with a ladle and takes a drink, splashing some water to show there is really water in it and dies. Ham up the dying as much as you want. More than a ladle may be needed so that there is plenty of water to slosh around. The next to the last person starts to drink from the bucket, when the last person comes in sees all the dead bodies and yells for the other guy to drink from the bucket, that it is poison. The last person throws the bucket in the audience which really only contains rice or confetti; only the ladles had water.
This skit requires pie plates, shaving cream, towels, 3 plastic raincoats, or something similar (i.e. plastic bags). At least five people need to be involved. There is the narrator, the three
members of the pie in the face team, and the person(s) who delivers the pies to the pie in the face team. This skit works best if everyone in the skit is serious, official, and ceremonious. Ply up the ceremony and the official part of he skit.
The skit starts off with the narrator about the history of the grand art of pie throwing. He introduces the three members of the team who will receive the pie in the face. The team marches out and stands at attention.
As the narrator continues to talk a person comes out with three pies on a tray and hands them to the three members of the pie in the face team. The narrator describes the various pie in the face throws that have evolved thru the centuries. In every case the person in the middle receives the pie in the face. Examples of pie throws are the classic pie in the face, the pie on the top of the head, the double pie in the face, the pies on the side of the head, and the swing, miss and hit. You can have the person in the middle change places and still get a pie in the face. The last thing that happens is that the guy in the middle who was getting all the pies in the face gets the other two members of the pie in the face team.
During all this keep the members of the pie in the face team supplied with pies. This can go on as long as you would like. Another thing is wipe off the pie in the face team faces once in a while. Be original and creative with skit.
Pilot and control tower voice are located on opposite sides of the stage area. A out of sight on the pilot's side makes engine noises. Another person starts the skit by saying, "I think that there is a plane overhead."
PILOT (yelling loudly): "Pilot to control tower - "I'm coming in. Give me landing instructions!"
CONTROL TOWER (in loud monotone as if through a microphone): "Control tower to pilot - why are you yelling so loud!"
PILOT: "Pilot to control tower, pilot to control tower-I haven't got a radio !"
The scene is set with an umpire, a catcher, a pitcher, first baseman, second baseman and third baseman. The players run out to their positions, start talking and acting like they're ready to play ball. The Umpire tells the players to play ball. Then the pitcher looks around with a worried expression and starts to cry. The catcher goes out to see what is matter and starts to cry as well. Follow the same routine with First, Second and Third Baseman. The Umpire finally asks in expiration
what is the matter. The pitcher replies that they don't have a ball.
Have one fellow standing, holding an unopened pop bottle, the next holding a bottle opener (or stands ready to open the container, one hand as if holding the container and the other hand raised over it), the other two doing nothing. The first guy examines the bottle real close and passes it to third guy who guzzles it, pretend or for real, and passes the empty container to the last guy. This guy looks at the empty bottle or container with a sick look on his face and then burps as loudly as he can.
A scout pretending to be a delivery boy comes wandering through the meeting with a potted plant which he says is for Mrs. Mergertroid. He comes back through the meeting several times each time saying, "Potted plant for Mrs. Mergetroid." Each time the potted plant gets bigger. The last time he comes in carrying a small tree. Finally the leader says there isn't any adults here, just kids. Delivery boy looks at the card and says. "Oh for heaven's sake. I've been reading it wrong, the plant is from Mrs. Mergetroid For ; Name of some one in the unit."
Kids bring in presents for their teacher on the first day of school. The teacher can tell what the child's parents does by the present he brings such as apples from parent's fruit stand, baker's child brings rolls, candymaker candy. The last person brings in a crudely wrapped package, with yellow liquid leaking out. The teacher tastes the liquid and states that his father must run a bottling factory. The child replies that no his dad is a dogcatcher and that it is a puppy in the package.
A prisoner is brought before a judge. The policeman says that he caught him red-handed. Judge asks if it is true and the prisoner says, "Well, maybe so and maybe not". The prisoner is asked if he has stolen before and he replies, "Mmmm ... now & then". Judge, impatient now, asks where he stole these things and the prisoner replies here and there. Judge tells the policeman to lock him up ! Prisoner asks when he will get out of jail. Judge smugly says, "Oh, sooner or later."
The scene is two guys enter a greasy spoon type of restaurant that has a customer and a grill type cook with a stained apron. The cook says that all they have is soup and a hot dog. The first man says he will take the soup and the other man says he wants the same. The cook tells them if one wants the soup the other has to have the hot dog. The second man agrees and asks to have mustard put on the hot dog and the waiter leaves. The third asks if they steal, referring the cook.
The first man says the cook will steal your shirt off your back if he could. The first & second man get their order, the cook dropping the silverware, then wiping them off with his dirty apron. Second man tells the cook that he wanted mustard on his hot dog. The cook squeezes mustard off his apron onto the hot dog. First man says that there is a fly in his soup. The cook retrieves the fly out of the soup, squeezing it, telling the fly to spit it all back. The third man disgusted, makes a comment and walks out without his pants. His pants have been stolen.
The world renown Moresofi Vodka is introduced to perform his original composition Chopinsky Stickovich. He plays Chopsticks.
Scout wanders through area several times holding a glass of water: When asked what he is doing, he replies that the school is on fire. Leader: How do you expect to put the fire out with a tiny glass of water?" Boy answers, "this ain't water, it's gas".
The scene is the launching pad of a large rocket which can be cut from a large piece of cardboard. There is an elaborate countdown, but the rocket fails to go off at zero. All those present inspect it and check on a number of highly-scientific-sounding devices - the supersonic sector wire; the exhaust fin fanstand; the sub-stabilizer exidizer, etc. All seem perfect. Finally the smallest boy says: "I've found the trouble. Somebody forgot to put in the fuel.
A guy comes on stage singing in a terrible voice. He acts pompous to a friend saying how is such a great singer. Friend says that he had better quit because of poor health, not the singers, but everyone else’s.
The six wise travelers came to a river and discuss ways to get across. One of them sees a boy with a boat and asks him to take them across. the boy says they can use the boat, but he will not take them across. The travelers all get in the boat and it sinks. They scramble out of the river and count themselves, but do it wrong and come up short a person. This can be done more than once. They tell the boy if he can find the missing traveler they will give him a bag of gold. The boy counts them. gets it right, they give him the gold telling the boy how good he is and that maybe he will grow up to be as smart as they are. The travelers then jump in and swim across the river.
The director tunes up the orchestra or chorus and they begin to make music. One by one each player hits a sour note. Each time the director gets upset and throws the player offstage. Repeat until only the accompanist and the director is left. The director then turns to the accompanist and begins a solo. The director hits a sour note and the accompanist jumps up and throws the director off stage coming back on stage with a smug look on his face, bows to the audience and exits.
Several slug trainers bring on their trained slug and deposit it in the stage center. The slug is a person encased in a sleeping bag. On command the slug performs various trick such rolling
over, leaping in the air slightly, etc. A volunteer is brought from the audience and is told that the slug is trained to crawl over the human body. The volunteer lays down and the slug crawls across him leaving a dribble of water or brown cotton balls. The trainers apologize and exclaim, "Sorry, but our slug isn't potty trained."
This skit can be played by just one person, or you can use two. A person in battle dress falls on the ground moaning that he is about to die. The orderly kneels over him frantically trying to record his name for the records. He keeps on asking his name, but he is in too much pain to bother with his name and keeps on asking for help. In desperation the orderly tells the soldier that he is dying and that he needs his name to tell his mother. The soldier reply that his mother already knows his name.
Contestants have numbers on their shirts and the judges have badges to distinguished them from the contestants. Need a list of spelling words, toy guns (or hand if necessary) and a trophy. There are two judges and four contestants. Judge #1 asks are you ready for the annual spelling contest. The contestants say yes and Judge #2 tells them good luck and let's begin. The first contestant steps forward misses the word and is shot by the judge. Second contestant steps forward, spells the word, the judges confer, answering right. The third contestant spells the word wrong and is shot. Contestant #4 comes forward spells his word, the judges confer, say he is wrong and one
raises the gun to shoot him. Contestant #4 tells the judge wait, he is sure the word is spelled right. The judges confer again, say the contestant is right and they are wrong and shoot themselves. Contestants #2 and #4 say that they guess that means they both win and walk off together with the trophy.
Gather to the front of the group some people to be trees, birds, and babbling brooks. Then ask for a volunteer to be the most important part, the hero. When he comes to the front, have him run among the trees. Have a little narrative and then say; "Maybe the rest of you wonder when we know it's spring; that's easy, because the sap is running through the tress."
The scene opens with a statue (boy, standing still) posed as a famous statue such as The Thinker or The Discus Thrower. Another person introduces himself as Dr. Arthritic Kneecap of the University of Amputation and Mutilation. He talks about having discovered a formula to revitalize calcium deposits; even would work on this statue he says. The doctor pours the bottle on the statue and it slowly comes to life. The statue and the professor talk about being alive. The doctor then asks the statue what is the first thing you want to do. The statue says that he wants to kill 5,000 pigeons with his bare hands.
Get one volunteer from the audience and the den/patrol lines up sitting in a straight line with the volunteer at the end. The scout in front (Captain) looks through his periscope and yells, "Enemy Ship!" which is repeated down the line. The Captain then issues the following commands which are repeated down the line: "Fire Torpedo One!...."We Missed!"...."Fire Two!"..."We Missed!"...."Fire Three!"...."We Missed Again, You Blockhead"...."Enemy Torpedo Coming our Way!"...."We've Sprung a Leak"....as the last command is repeated the next to the last person throws hidden confetti on the last person in line; the volunteer.
This version uses a similar format to format one with the same commands being given, but the following changes occur: The scouts are standing in a row instead of sitting. When the command comes to fire the torpedo one comes, the last person in line says, "I don't know how" which is repeated up line. The captain says, "Pull the red chain, push the blue knob" and pulls on the person's nose for pulling the chain and pushes his chest for pushing the knob. This is repeated down line. This procedure is repeated for each torpedo firing. When the captain exclaims "We missed again you blockhead" the crew jumps up and down and cheers. The captain says, "No, that is bad", to which the crew hang their head and groan. On the last command, when the captain finds out they have failed and have been hit, he takes out a gun (hand like a fist with thumb up and first finger out) and shoots himself, falling down dead. This is repeated down the line to the last person who looks at the gun with a confused expression and says, "I don't know how !"
the object is to set up a bear warning system. One at a time set up five to eight fellows standing shoulder to shoulder. The warning system is set up by having each of them repeating the following message:
Leader: "Thar's a Bar." (correct pronunciation is important)
Bear Warner: "Whar?" (be certain that he pronounces it correct, if not correct him.)
Leader: "Over Thar." (pointing with his right hand and arm extended)
A to B: "Thar's a Bar." (at which point he will probably point, so correct him.)
A: "Over Thar." (now he should point with the arm extended for the rest of the skit.)
B - C: "Thar's a Bar." ... and so on until the last one says it to the leader.
Go through the same procedure with the left hand. The third time have both hands extended, right leg extended, bent down. Last time the leader goes through the ritual, he pushes the guy next to him so that the rest will fall like dominoes.
Three guys all bandaged up and smeared with dirt and blood come dragging into the meeting with the disbelieving tail the fantastic battle that they had just gone through. "what a battle, what fantastic odds, we never should have attempted it in the first place, 3 against a 1000, unbelievable; hamming it up. Finally, one guy says, "Yeah they were the toughest three guys I've ever seen.
Fans are standing in line waiting to buy tickets for the big game, movie, or concert. Four fans are standing in line, saying how much they want to attend the event and wondering when the ticket window is going to open to sell tickets. A person walks up to the front of the line. The fans get upset telling him to not butt in line and to go to the end of the line and began to shove him back. This person tries once more to reach the front of the line and then gives up and says something to the effect; "I'm giving up, they can get someone else to open this ticket window.
A boy with a toothache complains to another boy. The other boy says he will help and pulls out tooth with a pair of pliers. The boy with the toothache says wrong tooth. Another person comes along and gives him some apples saying that will cure his toothache. Boy ends up with a stomachache. Another person says to tie a string to his tooth and tie the other end to a door. The door slams in the face of the boy with the toothache. He now has a toothache, headache, and a stomachache. Another person enters with some hedge clippers or a axe or something. He says, "I hear you have a toothache". The boy with the toothache says, "Not that !" and runs off the stage.
In this you need two cups of water and four or more people. The people in the skit all line up in a row in front of the audience. The first person in line has water in his cup and the last person in line has an empty cup with some water hidden in his mouth. The skit starts off with the narrator saying something about this is a demonstration of how a person can brush his teeth when there is a shortage of water. The first person takes a drink of water from his cup and proceeds to brush his teeth with his finger. After a few seconds he stops and places his head against the ear of the next person in line and that person's cheeks begin to bulge out as the first persons deflate. This person (the second person brushes his teeth with his finger for a few seconds and then puts his mouth against the next person's ear with the same results and son on down the line until the last person in line in reached. This person upon finishing brushing his teeth releases the water he has in his mouth into the cup in his hand.
Two boys enter as if following a trail. They begin to argue over what kind of tracks they are: "I say they are raccoon tracks" "No they're wolf tracks" "No they're badger tracks ...". The argument continues until they are suddenly run over by a train. (Several boys linked together making chuga choo sounds, boy in front has a flashlight.
A child comes home with a bag full of treats. The parent says that he needs to inspect the candy. Gives excuses for not giving most of it back. After the child leaves, the parent says that he must do what he has to do to protect the child and proceeds to eat some of the candy.
Four guys dressed up like turkeys waiting for the Best Turkey Contest with one turkey really strutting his stuff. Feathers can be made from construction paper and brown type clothes worn. The one turkey who is strutting his stuff, really wants to win, he preens, even leaves for a minute coming back with additional stuffing sticking out. Comments are made about this turkey by the others. The contest begins and the strutting turkey wins only to find out that the winner gets to
be Thanksgiving Dinner. The turkey starts to run and the judge chases after him telling the audience how he loves a happy winner.
A mother and a father had several children, now all the children had their mouths twisted out of shape except their son John, who they had sent to college and had just returned. They all got ready for bed and Mother asked Father to blow out the light. "Yes I will," was his reply. "I wish you would,"said she. "Well I will," said he. Father blows upward due to the twist in his mouth. Father asks mother (use the same sequence of phrases as in the previous sentence), she blows downward. Mother asks daughter, daughter blows to the right. Mother asks son (not John) who blows to the left. Finally, John, the college son is asked. He blows straight and blows out the candle. Father
then says, "What a blessed thing it is to have a son with an education."
Mad Scientist and a monster named Harold. The mad scientist talks about his greatest creation Harold. The scientist asks for a volunteer out of the audience. The mad scientist tells Harold to rise up, walk forward, and then the monster gets near the volunteer to kill him. Harold grabs the volunteer and kills him and returns back behind the scientist. The mad scientist goes on about how great his monster is, repeating his commands for Harold to stand up, move forward and kill. What the mad scientist doesn't realize is that Harold is reacting to his commands. The mad scientist continues to gloat as Harold comes forward and kills him. Harold continues walking toward the audience as the stage blacks out.
The singers are on stage. An announcer explains that they are going to sing upside down! They duck out of sight behind a curtain (a sheet held by two accomplices will do). Placing their hands in their shoes, they wobble the shoes above the curtain top looking as they are having trouble standing on their heads and are about to topple over while singing. They requires practice and the assistance of someone to direct them. To end the skit let one of the curtain holders become distracted and accidently drop the curtain revealing the "upside down singers" in action."
Scene: One vampire, standing onstage, takes a can marked "blood", pours tomato juice from it into a glass and drinks it. The second vampire enters.
Vampire #1: Mmm. Delicious. Vould you like some?
Vampire #2: no, thanks. I couldn't drink another bite.
Vampire #1: So vat's new.
Vampire #2: Nothing much. I just saw a poor old bum begging on the street corner.
Vampire #1: You did. Vat did he say?
Vampire #2 He vanted me to help him. He said he hadn't had a bite in days.
Vampire #1: So what did you do?
Vampire #2: Vat else? Naturally, I bit him!
The Viper is Coming: An office setting with a boss and an assistant who runs in and tells the boss that his just received a message that the Viper is coming. The boss gets very agitated and upset repeating the assistant's message. Several others come in repeating the same message. They are all in a state of panic when the last person comes on stage with a squeegee and a sponge announcing, "I'm the vindov viper. I've come to clean your vindovs. Vhere do I start."
Alternative 1 Here comes the viper, hide, 2 Hide the viper is coming, 3 Oh no here comes the viper, 4 Hi I'm the viper. ( Holding out the roll of toilet paper) Does anyone need viping?
It is announced that a member of the troop has memorized Washington's Farewell Address and is about to do a dramatic portrayal of it. A boy emerges dressed as Washington and delivers his farewell address, "Bye Mom!"